The Best Is Yet To Come
My name is Marisa and I am a compulsive over eater. I came into this program when I was 25 years old. I remember one Friday afternoon after high school, I had my first binge with another friend who liked sweets. Of course, we tried to restrict the next week, and so began the cycle. I realized food numbed my emotions while I was eating and diets could occupy my mind while I wasn't eating it. This way, I wouldn't have to think about other things like conflict, friends, college, etc.
Since I was never "skinny", I felt I needed to be the "nice" and an "overacheiver" because no one would like me just the way I am. I commuted to college the first two years so I continued using food. When I moved out for my second two years, I had no self-confidence. I isolated from my roommates (I am on Step 8 and look forward to making amends to them). I studied and worked compulsively and only attended select social or recreational events. I thought I needed food to "get through", stay awake, and focus. The truth is the food was temporary but the effects are long lasting. I spent hours overexercising and hating myself.
Once I graduated college, I was completely unprepared for the "real world" so I continued to use food. Compulsively overeating takes me out of the wordld, diminishes my self-esteem, and consumes my mind with selfish thoughts. Food was hurting me more than helping but I could not stop alone. My rock bottom was when I was laid off from my first career-related job. I was 25 years old and felt like a 15 year-old because that is when I stopped developing coping mechanisms to deal with life.
Thank God I found OA. Although I wish I found this program sooner, I am grateful I did not find it any later. It takes time to recover but at least there is hope now. The best is yet to be!
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